The Struggle with Loss

The past couple of days have had me reflecting hard core on my life . And recently I've been reflecting on how I react in certain situations. So this post is kind of more on the serious side and doesn't have any memes or pictures... #sorrynotsorry but I hope someone out there will find it helpful or at least uplifting.

OK. I'm going to take the time to talk about LOSS.

For many people, the concept of "losing" typically has a negative connotation. I'll be the first to admit that I do not take well to losing. Losing a game, in a competition or tournament?

how about losing your keys or your dog?! dang.

the dictionary defines losing as a verb meaning to be be deprived of or cease to have or retain (something). 

And for most, this deprivation can be unbearable at times. Take "losing" a loved one for example. In what seems to be an instant, you cease to have this crucial personal in your life. If you're like me, your first response is:

"what the freak just happened?!... nonononononono.... wait.... is this real life?... "

reality check?

The reality of a loss is kind of tricky. because it doesn't feel real.  can I say that enough? And when you have moments in life that make that loss more apparent, the wound stings a little more. Say you lost your keys.Your mom calls you saying it's an emergency and she needs you to run to the drug store for some medicine. 
"crap. where are the keys?!"   It's irritating at first only because you need to drive somewhere. they've been lost for a good while and although they have always been an important part of your adult life, you seemed to have adjusted to alternate modes of transportation. That is, until one of your buddies calls asking you for a ride. oh! And then your sister calls ; she left her bag in your car. WHERE ARE THOSE FREAKING KEYS?!

hint: they're lost.

Staying afloat

You start to question the reality in which you are in. Because the reality you know is filled with these major people in your life. And now they're gone. And sometimes it is without warning. 

Imagine yourself embarking on a transatlantic voyage. and man, you're excited. It's going great and you even get to go on this nice new ship that has just come out . Oh and did I mention the year is 1912? that's right. I'm using a famous ship in my analogy. ;) 

After any trial in life, you learn to realign yourself. you get your bearings straight and you continue on your course in life again until a random Iceberg hits... (psst.. do you get it? ) 

 I think Loss sometimes feels like that Iceberg hitting the Titanic. All of a sudden everything we built up; all of the tiny extra glamorous things we have on board don't matter. All of a sudden you start to panic because your ship is SINKING. HELLO!!!
Isn't life supposed to be safe? How about fair? Predictable?!

Pardon my over-dramatic reference to a tragedy in an attempt to compare it to an emotional tragedy: letting your loss cause you to sink. 

QUICK: go read : Matthew 14: 25-32  then come back.

Sometimes I feel like sinking is the best way to describe the depressive emotions experiencing loss can bring. I love the story in Matthew chapter 14. It describes Peter setting out to follow Christ and move towards Him. His course is set towards Christ and then, bam! some waves and winds head his way and he starts SINKING... 

I think we too often get depressed and saddened by the fact that our ship is sinking that we become trapped. If we're not careful, we can go down with the ship. 

Three words... That's all it takes.

"30. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me." 

I've personally gone through trails in two ways. Either completely relying on the Lord  or not. Both HURT but only one allows for a healing that is only offered through Jesus Christ. 

So I was reminded to more fully rely on the Lord. It's funny how much a day and a life can be turned around by refocusing on what is most important. We're all on a course in life. Make sure you have the right focus. 

love ya! And you got this!

Peace and blessins',
gigi

Song of the Day

Dear Single Ladies

All too often do I run into young girls with aspiring dreams of finding their Prince Charming and riding off into the sunset to live "Happily ever after". And by "Happily Ever After", I mean to get MARRIED in 2-3 moths time. not too many think about the after math. And Quite frankly I don't think they put too much thought into the process of getting married.

And I'm not talking about the ones who have married their High School Sweetheart and are happily married after 50 years. They're are great! And they've found themselves a unicorn! but if you find yourself single and moping about because you aren't living the dream, I want to remind you about the good things in life.

Granted, I am in no way an expert on love or relationships. But I do find it concerning when the response to a woman wanting to go to school for an education and to better herself , is an appalled look or gasp or "seriously?!" . And to preface my long rant on my stance on this... I will repeat : I am no love expert. I have never been in a serious relationship ( own free will and choice) and have never really considered that an option in my life until fairly recently. And the more I date the more gratitude I feel towards my decisions. Sure, boys are great. But I feel like there's a TON of crap out there. And sadly, the general mentality that I've been seeing, is that it's easier to be with crap than to wait it out . And it is to those girls whom this post is addressed.

SO ATTENTION LADIES!!!

 If your boyfriend does ANY of they following:

- calls you fat  makes ANY comment suggesting that you are not enough as you are or that you would be better if_____ or IF you were to change this about you, then he would commit

-is cheating on you ( I wish this was common knowledge) 

- doesn't want to commit to you but demands your financial/physical/emotional commitment

-  makes you feel bad about yourself.

- doesn't make an effort to talk with you. let alone be with you.

-  is RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL

DUMP HIS SORRY BEHIND.
like yesterday. ( I have to censor in case ya'll are young)

so here are a few things to remember:

KNOW YOURSELF

Know yourself

 GIIIRRRLLLL know that you do NOT absolutely NEED a man to exist happily on this earth. Crazy, I know.  You've lived a great portion of your life without a romantic relationship. You lived. And it was great. Take the time to KNOW what you have so you can feel comfortable being alone. It's not a sin to take time to know yourself better.

Relationships require two people. And if you don't even know who that person is, half of that relationship is super unstable. Get comfortable. Get confident. And feel good about who you are. I mean... don't be over confident or prideful, but know your standards and what you want . It makes decisions SO much easier to make down the road.

So set goals. make plans. Achieve those plans. Set boundaries and standards. You have worth. You don't need to be chasing all the time.

Say you're on your own path of life. And so is He. There are  going to be moments where your paths don't cross and the only thing that is going to make this into a relationship is when ,and only when, BOTH of you makes the effort to make a bridge.
     I say both because  relationships are mutual. And if one of you is running away, the bridge won't lead you to anyone... and that's just sad...

And truth be told , if someone wants to be a part of your life, they will make an effort to be there.

So know what you deserve. And you can't know that unless you know yourself. So take some time to enjoy being single. There's being single by choice and being single by default. In either case, you can make the most of the situation. Take it from me, you will attract a far greater person than you would have ever imagined by taking the time to better yourself. Better you, better partner. just sayin'.

*drops mic*

peace and blessins' ,
Gigi

Video of the Day

If you like thinking

10 Random facts about me I just rediscovered.

I always thought it was so cliche to hear about "life-changing " experiences. I honestly didn't really believe in them. I had always thought that YOU make that own change in your life. I could decide to have that experience right now if I wanted to. Which I could say is partially true. I just recently returned from one of those "life changing " experiences. you can voluntarily sign up for these kinds of things , but you can totally miss out on some good change if you're not careful. 

And amidst these changes I've come to really know myself. I've come to discover some excellent and horrible qualities to myself that have always existed! crazy, I know. It's crazy how when you dedicate your time to others, you start to find out more about who you are so here are some fun random things about me that I've leaned. 

1. I don't hate sushi or seafood!

 I always thought that stuff was made by the devil (due to the smell)  but I actually LOVE salmon and talapia ( sp? ) and I ADORE sushi.. downside: I think I'm allergic to sushi. and it's SO SAD! it tastes amazing but my body HATES it. but hey, I'm not a fish hater anymore

                                                               c'mon!! It's so CUTE!!!!

2. Music

.. whether it's watching a dance concert, having a jam-sesh with some friends or just jamming out in the shower Music is life. I love dancing. I Love singing. I think music is one of the most beautiful forms of expression. It allows others watching or listening to experience, just for a moment, a new perspective. It moves you. Music is just great. man. I could go on and on but I'll leave it here. 

                       

SERIOUSLY!

If you like Latin music, this is classic. Ties into the next one. not the best to watch though.

3. COMMUNICATION IS MY FAVORITE THING. 

I need to know where you're coming from. I love talking things out. I can't stand not being able to relate to someone on some sort of level. I have this burning desire to just "get" people.  Which stinks because many people don't want to be understood... which is fine. but I still want to know WHY. ugh

                              

4. I'm a fixer. 

...As in I like to help others fix things. Can't decide if it's a good or bad thing yet. If you have a problem or you're in a situation, I will do everything in my power to make a plan to fix your problem. And I pretty much have a plan pre-made for when you ask me. My favorite saying is: " there are never Problems in life, only opportunities. " - my mission president. 

So I take it upon myself to find every opportunity I can. need a ride to PHX? I got you. Need a dress for an event? I got you. Need someone to sew it? I got you. Boyfriend trouble? asking the wrong person but I  got you. Need Quantum Physics help? I'll find you a tutor because that stuff is insane! and you're crazy. 

me as soon as I can help.. #sorrynotsorry

      but really.

                                           

5. I'm very straightforward.

  I found out that being super honest and blunt is the quickest ( lack of patience ) way to find out where someone is coming from. ( since I need to understand them ) Okay let's be real. I don't play emotional games. So I try to be super easy to read and open like a book so people know where I'm at. ya feel me? so if I feel awkward, I'll tell you. Or if I hate something ( rarely do I ever) , i'll let you know... especially if you ask. I will answer your questions with as much honesty as I can... por ejemplo: If you ask me where I would like to eat and I say " I don't care" I legit DO NOT CARE. I don't secretly have some favorite i'm not telling you. because If I did, I would make sure we went there.  If I want to go out with you, I'll ask you out. ( crazy, I know) If you ask me if I like your hat , I'll give you my opinion. 

                                                  I know Leslie...I know.

But in all honesty, I typically will not have an opinion. but if I do, and you ask nicely, I'll let you know. 

6. I'm a competitive person. 

Like maybe extremely competitive. I don't know how this could ever be considered a good thing but I take any sort of game or competition very seriously. like winning is life. example : if you're on my team for Charades, you better know what I'm thinking in 2 seconds. games with any form of chance kinda piss me off because I can't really take charge of them. same thing with non-contact sports, you can't really out-smart or face them head-on so it's just left to skill. 

I watched Star Wars this past weekend in case you were wondering

And I'm mediocre at best with most things so I don't know why I get so intense. but if we're in some sort of competition and you're on my team, know that the only way is to win. 

you still have to hole the glass... don't see the purpose. 

7. I love being biracial. 

Growing up, I always felt so awkward about it. I love being able to say that I'm Hispanic . And I love being able to say that I'm African American. There is so much history behind both cultures. Behind all the people who came before me. and I  never really appreciated their love and sacrifice before. 

What I do not appreciate is all the random things that come with it when you're in a place that isn't familiar with much diversity . A successful day to me is not having my hair felt by a random stranger or having some awkward racial conversation about how sorry I am that I can't speak any Polynesian language... Yes . I promise you I'm not Polynesian. yes, I'm sure. they're super chill though! :) 

8. I'm indecisive. 

And with my lack of patience, I piss myself off . So to solve this problem, I assign every option a number and then ask the person next to me pick a number. It's quick and simple. Mainly because I'm super chill and would rather have a decision made... instead of thinking  and questioning things all day ( which I could do but I would never let myself )  

"which one which one?"

9. I have a spending problem.

 I don't know how it happens ... but I only ever waste my money on food. okay wait. WASTE is a strong word... because food is a necessity and it tastes good. so ... I give a great donation to the supermarkets of the world quite frequently and it leaves me broke. And it's gotta stop.            

10. You really can overcome anything if you always have the right people by your side. 

( God and Jesus are included in these "people" ) My whole life, I have been surrounded by some AMAZING people that I always took for granted. and the relationships I took for granted were the ones of the people closest to me. The support and love that I receive is something I do not deserve. I've always had certain trials that I thought I would never be able to make it through. But I know that having the ones you love next to you, everything is conquerable. especially Christ. man. I owe any thing and EVERYTHING I am and have to Him. He's saved my life in more ways than one. I love Him.

And  I love people. Dang it.. even when dumb people make me upset or stress me out, I love them!  I don't know how many times I thank God everyday for the people in my life. I am so blessed. man. Even if i meet you once and we hang out once, I promise you that I love you. It's such a blessing but sometimes it's hard to keep up with so many people. Thank goodness we have technology .. and even then I feel like I can never do enough to express how grateful I am to every person in my life. 

but seriously. thank you. for existing.

Well those are 10 things you probably wish you didn't know about me. But then again, if you have ever met me, these are some of the most apparent things about me that you  already knew. Funny how much of myself I didn't see before. I can't even imagine what else I'll learn in the next coming years. 

So take some time and evaluate who you are. how you are with other people. Who you want to be. make some plans. Reach your goals and achieve your dreams. Because you can. Even if your dream is to become a more patient person ( I'm with ya) make some plans and do it. Same thing goes for if you want to be the next actor featured in Star Wars ; make plans and do it.  And if you need help, ask for it. Some people are dying to help and already have a plan ;) ( ooo! like God . God always has a plan) 

you got this. love ya,

Gigi

Video of the Day

What's Up Buttercup?

So I'm home from college. Yeah, that's right. I'm back in the 480.  (that was me trying to seem cool)

Truth is, I've been home. Since like Mid- April. So you might be wondering what I have been up to since I left college to pursue my dreams....

Well.. first off, I went to one of my favorite places in THE WHOLE WIDE FREAKING WORLD.

if you don't know what this place is, get out. (hint: it's Disneyland. Yes. I know this pic isn't Disney land but it just so happened to be saved onto my computer for other reasons I don't care to discuss right now.)

So me and some of my best friends from BYU decided to road trip it to Cali as soon as our last finals got out.

You can say we had fun.

then I was off to LAX to fly home.

What have I been doing since?

None of your business!

okay fine.

I've been eating

NOT sleeping ( I've been trying to wake up early but I stilt tend to go to bed at morning times.. (2AM -ish))

Shopping ( not for fun things. More like bags and "sturdy" shoes AKA ugly shoes for the mission)

Stressing out. They weren't lying when they said missionary preperation is rough. I feel like the spiritual aspect of it all trumps everything though. I know It will all work out in the end and that the Lord is in charge. it is all just coming so fast! wish me luck!

peace and blessins'
gigi

Blogging While Crazy

So I just got home from a test  that I'm pretty sure I failed.

How do I know?

 

Funny thing is, my college body can't take "no sleep" like my high school body could. I feel like an old man. So I studied all night to take this test in the morning and guess what?! I was practically hallucinating the words right off my test sheet... definitely fell asleep five times during my actual test.
 Oops! 

To put it bluntly : This was a @#$$%&$^&  of a week . (if ya know what I mean)

I told myself I was going to give myself a prize for surviving this week. I now realize that the prize is sleep. Sleep and sanity. Why sanity? Because I'm insane. But seriously. I feel myself slowly slipping. You know how it starts...

First you're exhausted and annoyed at everyone and everything.

But you let it go and carry on.

UNTIL " the straw the broke the camel's back" happens.

So recently, my life has been anything but perfect. I'm making daily phone calls, setting up meetings, traveling and dealing with my own drama. I try not get too personal on my blog so I'll spare you the details....

 

 but let me just say this: some people just flat-out piss me off.

 

 

Take this guy in my SOC class for example .( if you're reading this, hi there!)

He irks me. We are in this group project together and every week he sends me emails that are kinda inconsiderate and kinda rude.

 

so I read them. And try to bite my tongue.

 
 It's funny how you assume no one is going to participate in the group project before we even start. Funny how you think you're the only hard worker. HAHAHAHAHA cute.

 

 Then this week came around and I realized that I would have to put this project on the back burner. And I just KNEW he would think that I was trying to be a free loader.

AS IFFFFFF!!!

I created many questions for a survey (that weren't even used. #rudeanddisrespectful) and put as much input as I could the previous weeks. There was just no way on earth I would be able to fully participate this week.

So I got another email from him today. And I send a quick, POLITE reply.

 

AND HE SENDS ME ANOTHER EMAIL!!

" we all have our own.. blah blah blah. Please try to participate next time"

 

I'm not trying to make excuses. I was just explaining my absence recently. Most people care to know why you were gone and not participating like usual.

 

 AND I'VE BEEN PARTICIPATING THIS WHOLE TIME!!

EXCUSE ME for not doing the entire project myself.

Could this week get any worse?

 

 

 

 when you add:

 Overanalyzing+ lack of sleep + PMS + family drama + school work +  cleaning checks + Sunday school lessons+  inconsiderate people who think they know you .....

 

 you get my crazy side.

 

And that is a side that my family has probably only seen twice. (MAX)

 

oOooOOoOOoOO CHIIILLLDDD!   you best get OUT of my way!

 

So I stop crying. Take a deep breathe and pray. I pray for patience . Because man oh man.... was somebody going to die.

I thought about posting a Facebook status. - Deleted it. Phone call? 

Angry text? - Don't have his number.

 

I needed a way to voice my frustrations! So I did what any insane person would do when they're angry;

I emailed him back.  

 

As soon as I pushed "send" I immediately felt horrible.

Mind you, this was a very censored and touched up version than what I had previously written him, so I guess it wasn't THAT bad.

 

 

Then I get another email from him.

Oh gosh.

 

 "my previous email was just a suggestion. I didn't mean anything behind it"

I'm not sure if that's an apology or if he even means it, but I'll take what I can get.  

 
 Moral of the story is: go to sleep. You are much more sane and functional that way. But in the end, you are who you are. And I guess I may just be a tad crazy. Especially when I have yet to go to bed.

Moral #2: don't blog when you're angry. #eat #pray #love and DON'T message people when you're angry. Watch your favorite Disney movie instead!

Moral #3: don't go bother trying to change yourself for approval. It's WAY more fun to be yourself! But if you really are crazy, Stop reading and go see some help maybe?

But I won't tell you how to run your life.

 

Video of the Day

 

Peace and Blessins'

Gigi

 

P.S. Emperor's New Groove is my favorite. And Chicha is practically me. Tip: watch your favorite Disney movie when you're feeling down. Or jam out to good music . GOOD MUSIC